Website policies.

If you read this website for any length of time, you may forget that behind it all there is a very exasperated husband a devastatingly beautiful woman whose husband refuses to do the laundry. If she came home one day and found him loitering within fifty feet of the washing machine, she would probably have to push him up against a wall and rip off his clothes because it was the single sexiest thing he had ever done.

On that note, despite the depravity you may read about on my blog, I do have an ounce or two of generally wasted morals. I think I read a completely fabricated statistic that at least 60% of your body weight should be ethical, which means that I’m horribly deficient, but if I excelled at everything then my mother wouldn’t have time to brag about my sisters. And that’s not fair.

At any rate, my scant morals have led me to believe that the readers here have a right to know what my website policies are. I don’t have many, and they are as follows:

1.  Privacy. If you feel that a herd of wild elephants trampled on your privacy (or the privacy of your child) and I am at fault, please do not hesitate to let me know. This does not apply to those of you who write me emails that are everything shy of strapping a bomb to your person and walking into my home.

2.  Humor. This website is meant to be taken with tequila lightly.

3.  Behavior. Please be civil. If you cannot behave respectfully then I cannot guarantee that I will either. I’m just not that mature.

4.  Family. Donald and I are what you would probably refer to as “family people.“  Both of us feel very strongly that family should always come first.  As such, if you are a relative and you find any content on this blog to be uncomfortable, please do not hesitate to let me know.  I am more than willing to accommodate your wishes if you communicate your qualms honestly and candidly with me.  If you lack the maturity and common courtesy to address me IN PERSON or ON THE PHONE about a problem you have, thus giving me the opportunity to apologize or explain, then do not expect me to respect your desires.  As with any relationship, this is give and take: should you take away my incentive to help, I will give you something to be upset about.  Also, please remember that this website should not be taken seriously.  Ever.

5.  Charity. Give a little. (To me). (KIDDING). I do not accept donations through this website. If you would like to make a donation, please consider donating to one of the charities featured here.

6.  Income. Although I do not make a living through, this website does generate income. I know that there are people out there who WILL NOT read the works of a blogger who has the audacity to get paid for their work, and if you are one of those people then you should just click away. Am I a shameless sell-out? Yes. But oddly enough, Donald is remarkably handsome when he’s being exploited.

7.  Income, Again. There are also several ways that this website does not generate income. I am not, for example, paid to advertise the ideas or products featured in my Design Column and I never will be. I generate revenue by selling graphic prints and freelance writing.

8.  Copyright. This is very simple: my intellectual property is mine, my current copyright records are diligently maintained and I do not take copyright infringement lightly. If you are unfamiliar with copyright, please refer to the 1976 Copyright Act.

There are many legitimate ways to circumvent the restrictions of my copyright. Asking me for permission, quoting me and linking to my website come to mind. Claiming my work as your own or distributing it without my knowledge is unacceptable, particularly if those actions lead to economic, social, or professional gain. If you want to use or borrow my content, just use your friggin’ noggin before you do. That’s what it’s there for.